Peace in the Storm

It's been several months since my last post, which frankly wasnt the most uplifting, but it was a raw, soul-bearing rant that I dont regret.Unfortunately, things have worsened for my home life.However, more and more each day I am finding out that there is a GOD who is madly in love with me and has a plan for my life.

Everyday I look at my fiance, Mike, and am floored, because never have I seen a love that reflects Christ as he loves the Church.Its the strangest thing, yet very cool at the same time!I can not express how grateful I am to have a partner who is my best friend and so much more.

We are going to be married in October (28th to be exact) and its honestly what gives me strength every day.It's like I'm in a race approaching the finish line.He is my prize!!I can't wait for the satisfaction and joy we will experience together in our new life.

It's like that Mumford and Sons song "After the Storm":  at first, there's pain and sorrow but after the storm, an unspeakable joy comes.Despite the fact that my current situation is extremely painful and difficult, I have something bigger than myself to look forward to.Yeah, life ultimately sucks right now (just being honest) but God's grace and Mike's love never fail.

Tear Haiku

I hate when you cry

Your tears mean nothing to me

So cry all you want

You're not my mother...

When did it become so hard to talk to the one who gave me life? It feels like I'm living in a parallel universe, only my universe is a nightmare and everything is completely falling apart. I don't know who you are anymore; nor do I love you. You looked right through me today when we spoke. Where is the Light that used to live behind your eyes? You are a soulless waste of space. I hate you for who you are and what you've done. Not only what you've done to me, but to my siblings. They don't understand.It's not their fault.It's not. Why don't you listen when we plead for you to come back? What did we ever do to you?

Was life so bad here that you had to go all the way around the world to "find yourself"? Well, whatever you discovered I hope you're happy.You have gained the world and lost your soul. Congrats. No, really. Sometimes I secretly wished that tragedy had bestowed itself upon you while you were gone...I wished that you weren't coming back. We were fine without you. Sure, it was quiet and there were nights where we missed you. But missing you was a mistake. You obviously didn't miss us. You came back and spoke of great things. Things we could never offer you here. You seem so satisfied with your new life. Hope you know what it costs you. All I can repeat over and over in my head is: "Fuck you.Fuck you and your new life.I hope its amazing and you find what you need.God have pity on your soul".

First Blog: An Introduction

So, this having been my first blog, I suppose I should make the reader aware of a few things. I'm not much for writing, I just need a place to put my thoughts. I tend to be unorganized and jump around to various topics...in one sentence, even. Working on that. Also, I tend to be overly emotional and dramatic. Working on that, too. Someday, I will make sense, but for now...whatever comes to mind pertaining to the life I know will be written.